Up all Night, No Sleeping

Breaking Up with Girls

It is undeniable that hearts that have not undergone harrowing times are still over-loving and soft. I am not saying that all hard times will harden a heart, or that even a hardened hearts are not as loving or as soft, but what I want to explain is that a heart that has managed through difficult times will learn from such times and in the future use experience to deal with new events. That is an obvious statement and common sense will allow each of us to understand that experience makes us better at particular things. I can almost hear what you are thinking as you read this, "Ha, this guy is going to explain how breaking up with girls gets easier each time, because apparently he does it all the time. What a sleeze..." but the heart reference is more devised to let you learn more about my own.
For the past few weeks I have been dating this wonderful girl who from the beginning treated me too good. She was funny, sweet, and honestly had the best sense of humor in a girl that I have ever met. We got along perfectly, in fact she went to Bonnaroo with me where we spent a whole weekend together camping without showers and never argued once! Things worked out perfect and quickly I felt I was in love.
All of a sudden I felt different. It wasn't any complication with her, it was sincerely problems I let build in myself. I was growing anxious and depressed. My summer was stolen by a surgeon and being on crutches during such beautiful weather wore down my attitude. I am sad, depressed and lost love for my girl. I could not continue with some charade just to stay together because I would honestly get sick. When I get deceitful in a way that would harm someone's heart, I get sick...
I had to tell her that I did not want to be with her anymore. It was perhaps one of the most difficult things I could muster. To tell her one day that I feel different when she had no idea there was a problem would hurt so much. I know it. I have been through a similar situation but in a longer relationship and a much more dramatic end. I knew the pain so the hardest thought was putting the poor girl through a similar pain. It was one of those things that I would never wish on another, but here I was doing it.
I explained the best way that I could, and everything went better than I thought from what I could tell. I still feel bad because I dumped all of the problem on her, but I could not go on misleadingly. Our hearts hurt, but would heal.

Another One...

"It's 1:30 in the morning, but that's all right by me..." -CC Well it is not quite 1:30, but close enough. I just read my "Post-Bonnaroo" entry and boy do I sound like a salesman. "For those who love music, got to Bonnaroo next year! I plan on it!" Doesn't that just sound scripted? Anyways I want to talk about myself a bit I suppose.
Three weeks ago I had surgery in my right calf. To be more specific the surgery was in the lower part of the calf, more upon the achilles tendon. A month previous to the surgery I was playing basketball when I injured my tendon. The tear sounded like a large rubber band popping and was apparently heard by several friends, some up to 15 feet away! It was a nasty pain but I suppose my tolerance was high due to the other ankle injuries I have suffered.(sprained ankle primarily) But this was different and at the moment it happened I knew i needed to visit the Emergency Room. After an expensive 45 minutes, and a small peek at it by the doctor, it was assumed that I had torn a muscle in my calf. Foolish as I am I believed it and was able to continue on with my life. Just needed some time to recuperate. I went to work the next day on crutches and did what I could.
After a months time and some frustration at my lack of healing I finally decided to see an orthopedic surgeon. I scheduled an MRI and soon found out I had seperated my achilles tendon. What an ordeal! Surgery was in order and boy I was nervous despite my fassade but there was only a single problem with the surgery. The time I spent not getting it fixed was time scar tissue developed altercating the procedure lengthening it from 20 minutes to 70.
I came out drugged up and held down by a ball and chain of some strong plaster and two aluminum crutches. I am to spend 12 weeks on crutches and after two and a half I am sick of it. I am becoming..... something... but that is for a different day. I do not like this feeling of helplessness, but life goes on. I will have pics soon of me in my cast, perhaps sooner than I expect. Keep Cool Babies.

Post-Bonnaroo 2005

I had a blast attending the Bonnaroo music festival. With over 80,000 other people it was one gigantic party! My crew and I left friday morning at around 1 in the morn, just taking advantage of our ability to stay up for the hell of it and made it to Manchester Tennessee at around 6 in that morning. We set up camp about 3 feet from the nearest camper and took a nap since the music didn't start until noon that day. The first day we saw Joss Stone, madelein peyroux, Ray lamontagne (my favorite artist), and the dave matthews band. The second day we saw jack johnson, and a few other bands who i cannot recal right now. The third day was a blast with Umphrey's Mcgee, My Morning Jacket and then Modest Mouse. I was disappointed with the modest mouse performance since they seemed as though they did not want to be there. Oh well, the weekend was awesome and jam packed full of alcohol, dirty hippies, drugs and drug pushers mixed in with the great music and just great times. The people were awesome and at no point did i see any problems or anything that would drag down the experience. For those who love music and just love to jam, go to bonnaroo next year. I plan on it!

Bonnaroo 2005

Boy I have never been excited about another event as I am now. I am attending Bonnaroo Music and Arts festival in June and I cannot wait. The website is www.bonnaroo.com and there is a list of the bands and activities that i will definitely have to take advantage of. I do not feel like writing anything personal today, perhaps i will find the mood later.

Later taters

Night Blinks

A vaporous blink
Weightless in the shadows.
Then the dark.
Then the light.
Each blink grows near,
Place them in your jar of clear.
Let it go,
Or the light will die.
Always remember there are more nights with blinks in the sky.

I don't know. I like to call it "Flowerpeel"... Done with prisma colors.

About ME.

My name is Christopher and i am a Hoosier. I enjoy long walks on the beach.... ha, who am i kidding?? I Love art, running, reading, basketball,music, and especially the Counting Crows. I participate in a wonderful forum for the CC's called Everything Else and i haven't found a better board. I will be posting pic's, art, poetry, and other stuff as time passes. I hope that any of my friends from the board who see this will bookmark it and check it periodically. Though not too often because i am kinda lazy and it takes me time to update. In fact, i just figured out how to post a new message. So anyways, if you come across this don't be shy, please post and tell me how hot i am. Lol. Also, nevermind...

later tater's
Christopher